To join the singles world you must either never have had a relationship or been in one. Some relationships are long, others result in marriage, which seemed like heaven on earth in the beginning.
However, in modern times there are greatly increased numbers of divorces. Here are some of the top reasons why couples decide to separate.
Cheating / Adultery
Unsurprisingly this is still one of the biggest reasons for a divorce. It doesn’t matter who committed adultery, the damage is always incredibly severe. When you can’t trust your spouse, your marriage will be rid of its core foundation.
Relationships are based on mutual trust to be successful. Over time you learn to rely on your partner as someone who will always be there for you during times of emotional and physical distress. When that trust is violated, we tend to look at them as betrayers we simply cannot forgive.
Before you ever consider cheating on your spouse you should have a conversation about what it is that’s giving you that urge. Often working on the problem together can fix your need to search for physical contact with others.
Remember that you are lying to yourself and your partner when you commit secretive adultery. You know you’re unhappy and want something else, but you’re too afraid to talk about it. Your spouse will probably not see it coming and be devastated when the truth comes out.
In my opinion, there is never a reason to cheat on your loved one. You either talk about the issue and try to find a solution or you end the relationship before destroying someone else’s trust.
This happens when one party decides that the marriage is over and just walks out or gives up on it. In the worst case, the spouse wouldn’t even see it coming.
Desertion is a consequence of severely disrupted communication and commitment from both partners, where one of them decides to just give up.
Any marriage or relationship that has this happen it incredibly hard to mend. Seeing as someone already gave up and walked out, there is almost no chance of him or her wanting to return. They already decided that it’s over and didn’t even bother to face their significant other.
The major issue arises when the one who is left behind, never gets any answers. If they really didn’t see it coming then that is mental blow that will resonate for many years to come.
Imagine your partner one day just starts packing and leaves you without giving a reason. The only thing that’s left for you is to blame yourself somehow. Now imagine that you keep blaming yourself for years to come. That will destroy your confidence and lead you in a very negative downward spiral.
So please, even if your relationship is terrible, don’t just walk away and leave your spouse behind with all the doubts and bad emotions that you already said goodbye to. If you loved them at one point, they at least deserve an explanation before you go.
There is no possibility of addiction being somewhat positive. It will always have a negative impact on a relationship. Addiction by definition means that you will favour substance abuse over anything else, that being your health or your relationship.
Being stuck in a relationship where an addicted partner is dictating the flow of things is one of the worst things to experience. Apart from emotional distress, there is a high risk of financial downfall.
The only way to break this inevitable scenario of doom is to confront your partner with the problems he or she is facing. Be supportive but firm, you are trying to help but you will not be dragged down.
Sometimes all it takes is a firm nudge by a loved one to get an addicted person to search for help. Other times, there is little to nothing you can do and you should probably end it before it ends you.
Since addiction is such a hard topic to discuss, mostly because the addicted will deny everything, you shouldn’t do this on your own. There are plenty of professional counsellors who can help you deal with the situation and offer a better future perspective.
When couples fall in love they tend to ignore everything that could potentially be an issue in the long term. However, as your marriage progresses and you grow older, you may find that your views on life are not compatible anymore.
Ambitions may differ, leading to for example one who wants to live frugally and the other who wants a successful career. It can also differ in the way they see relationships as a whole.
Some people may not like the idea of spending a lot of time together in front of the tv, every evening, while others desire nothing more. These things sadly are only discovered after living together for a good while.
That’s one of the reasons why it’s ill-advisable to get married after only knowing each other for a few months. You THINK you’re the perfect match, but there is no experience to back that up.
The earliest warning signs of incompatibility often show when couples go on their first vacation together. That will already give you a pretty good idea of what to work on, or to move on.
So this is a reason for divorce that could be entirely nullified by taking the time to figure out whether you’re actually right for each other and not just madly in love. One is for life, the other is just your hormones. Big difference.
Although it’s good to want to build up a great career, this should never be at the cost of people around you. If you’re spending most of your time at the office or even working at home, you’re making it very clear to your partner what is more important.
If you have to fave the fact that you’re a bit lower on the list of priorities that your partner has, that’s extremely unpleasant. It will deprive you of the needed emotional and physical satisfaction that a good relationship has.
Often both the career-crazy worker and the left-behind spouse will become unhappy in their marriage. This is one of the main reasons that can lead to cheating, as they cannot find what they need within their own relationship. It’s also easier to do when someone is almost always busy at work.
It’s therefore important to strike a balance between work and family. Money is great and all, but if it costs you the love of your life then was it really worth it?
Try to set aside at least 1 day and 1 evening that’s completely dedicated to your family and do some fun things together. No phone calls, no e-mails, no talking about work, just good old wholesome fun.
Friends & Family
Wait, aren’t these the good things? Well, yes and no but this one leans very close to Desertion. If one person in a relationship spends way more time going out with friends than with his/her spouse, that’s a cause for alarm.
Some friends and family members may really dislike your partner and go through great lengths to try to break you apart. It’s sad, but there are people like that out there.
Of course, the biggest blame falls with the one who actually listens to these bad influences and tanks the relationship because of them.
You need friends and you have family, that’s just a fact. The trick is getting them to either fit into your marriage or find a way to separate them without hurting anybody along the way.
It doesn’t have to be a choice, it just takes some planning and talking things over with the persons who are trying to sabotage your marriage.
On the other end of the scale, there is the spouse that wants to keep you away from your best friends and relatives. That’s a sign of possessive behaviour, which is dangerous if you let it get a hold over your life.
If your partner ever forces you to choose between friend, family and him or her, go for the friends and family. You do not want to be stuck indentured to your spouse.
Although the world is a much more open place and many cultures have found a way to live together peacefully, there is still a pretty big risk of it being a detrimental factor in any relationship.
Religion and culture are often hard to give up on. So when two incompatible beliefs meet each other, who will be the victor?
The only way to make different cultures and religions work together is to be willing to adapt to others and have others respect and adapt to yours. Which is basically the same as saying: give up on them and just keep some things for the sake of nostalgia.
In my opinion, the concepts of religion and cultural differences should be the first things to get rid of if we truly want peace on earth. Everybody should have the right to believe what they want, but never force it upon anyone else.
In that regard, for a marriage to work, both parties need to be willing to set aside their beliefs and go for love, not the tradition.
That’s of course much easier said than done.
Couples fight often about financial things. There’s a very good reason for that as well: money buys the things that you need. If one partner has (accidentally) squandered a load of money, this is inevitably going to lead to a lower living standard.
There are also a lot of fights about honesty concerning personal finances. Often people feel ashamed about not having incredibly wealth or even debts and they will hide that fact from their loved ones.
Of course, those things can’t stay hidden forever in a relationship. Eventually, some letter or even a lawyer will notify your spouse about the financial issues that you’re having.
It’s all about trust, again. If you can’t be open and honest about your financial situation, then what is the reason for that? Do you not trust your partner? Do you feel ashamed towards someone you really should be able to be yourself with? Whatever the reason, it leads down to a problem in the very foundation of your relationship.
You can also be sure that if couples get divorced because of financial issues, one of them will be devasted after all the procedures are done. And it’s not always the one who didn’t have any money, to begin with. There are too many people out there who are actually struggling to pay off an ex-partner’s debt.
So be honest and make sure to discuss the topic thoroughly with your partner. Make a bit of a financial plan that involves both of you, so that there are no surprises and no need to be fighting over it. And if you made mistakes in past, be sure to mention those.
The one reason for divorce that I 100% support. Nobody should be abused in any way in any form of relationship. It’s barbaric and sickening.
That being said, the sad truth is that many husbands and wives stick with their abusive partners through it all. There have been countless psychological researches to find out why this is happening and nobody can really pinpoint it.
It could be fear, an irrational feeling of love, being ashamed to admit it to others, … whatever the reason that keeps someone from leaving an abusive partner is terrible.
But that also means that victims of abuse won’t file for a divorce that easily. They need some outside help. So if you’re reading this and you know someone who’s getting beaten or verbally abuse, go talk to them and get them out of that toxic relationship.
Use professional help, as often improvised interventions lead to an escalation of said abuse.
Lack Of Communication
This one pretty much sums up all the other things. It really comes down to how well a couple communicates.
If you can’t (or don’t want to) talk to your partner about the issues that arise during your time together, you’re doing nothing more than creating a time bomb.
Eventually, all that cropped up anger and frustration will get the better of you and it will lead to divorce, potentially.
But why take the risk to let things build-up to the point where only negativity is left? You’re in a relationship, not alone with a stranger in your house.
The good thing is that communication is something that can be learned. All it takes is some practice and professional advice to get you going.
There’s no good reason to wait for something magical to happen. If you feel that the communication in your relationship is severely lacking then get to work today.